back home

Trying to write something at the coffee shop in Sabah airport. This is my first time coming to Sabah, the airport is just located on the seaside and I can even see the sea through the wide opened window. 

Leaving Taiwan where I had lived for quarter of my life is quite overwhelming. After packing the stuff that I wanted to send back home. I spent some time with the people I always love and miss a lot. We had done a lot of pranks which we believe that we wont forget for quite a long time and also went through a lot of hardship that really shape our philosophy together, altogether had shaped us and our friendship into a metaphor. 

I went back to NCTU which the special place that I had learned a lot of great things from the day before my leaving. I saw my professor- Aleppo, which I learned thesis methodology from and apologized for my absence for the final class. He told me that he was organizing a farewell dinner for me last time but he will save it as a raincheck and buy me a dinner when he come to london for conference in the coming winter. We had a hug and he gave me his most recent theory research book before my leaving. I was glad that I had met most of the people that I always want to meet before my leave. 

A few hours later I will go back to my own place and start a different mode of living there, there are tremendous amount of readings and exercises to do before my leaving for england. I had sent back home more than 10 boxes of books and research paper so I can do that at my house without so much distractions. 

Dear darling, I hope I can become a much more better person when you see me again. I will try my best to build my body into a healthy one again, and also try to finish the things I promise myself to finish before our next meeting. So there wont be any worries and hassles for the next trip. 

I admit that I was a bit depressed when we were separated by the gate counter and can only see each other from the other side. Suddenly the world was divided into two, and the cursed one is the world that without you. 

You said that I seemed upset when I was a few minutes left to enter the gate. There were so many things to be said but it was all messed up into a sequence of unspeakable sorrow for the unshiftable history that we weren’t dare to change and unable to make up in such a short hug that I gave you. And they were all being concluded into a future - to love you without shame and to bless you without ego. 

Read my lips, my dear, these are the words I was trying to tell you: I love you ultimately.