wendyteo

未來的想念

2011-04-02T17:42:00.000-07:00

午後，我又感覺到了對妳可能未來的想念。

誰知道時間機緣將把我們投射到甚麼方向，把我們送到哪個命運的懷抱？

妳或我未來若走到不同的方向，會否在人流的交錯中，暗淡與明媚中，留下了幾個不起眼的剎那間，想起了幾個午後對話片刻留下的啓示。然後那些尋找的碰撞和對夢想的牙牙咬語會否在經過了沒完沒了的隧道之後好不容易累積了對微光的聚焦，被陽光失了焦。

嘿有時候我們滿心以為只要問對了問題，說對了事情就能聽到歡呼聲。

我問自己如果沒有從此沒有與妳分享，那麼那些來來去去的見證，不管它們是鄙視還是掌聲，又如何能夠重構那些片斷對話中構成的顫抖，僅僅因為我們知道這樣的顫抖足以顛覆我們以為的舞台，其實要的不只是高尚的觀眾，而是藉著彼此的眼，而看到了自己與妳的表演模糊了舞台的界線，連錯誤也被包容昇華成表演。

妳問我為甚麼容易感傷，我只是一笑而過。那些看似浪費了的闡明空間，也是因為我小心翼翼的相信，記憶裡有詩的，也能把這沈默聽成歌。

Zsennye book making section!

2010-09-06T01:30:00.000-07:00

Since me and Gabi already missed the most part of Zsennye workshop participating, we decided to do our own thing in Zsennye Castle. On the way toward Zsennye we had been discussing about having our own sketchbook, very personalized book with our own binding and texture collecting. We started from buying the paper from a shop near to BME where Zalavari picked us up and then go to the castle with a lot of small ideas spinning around us.

When we arrived the workshop it was latenight and people having party on the lawn, so we didnt do anything further about the books, but of course we were so excited about this idea.

The next day we started our work by going into the forest and get some textures material from the forest. With those texture materials we would manage to do something like cover of the book and the finish of the book. After that we start working on the real book by binding the paper using the traditional chinese bookbinding method and make them into a book, yeah a proper book. Here they are!

for meds

2010-08-29T02:51:00.000-07:00

This is the video i done for the meds workshop from last month before leaving istanbul. Hm I miss the people from the workshop so much. I believe that we going to have really really unforgettable memories again next summer. However before starting the next workshop, I hope you guys live well and do well the following year, so we will have a lot to share for what we had missed from one another life before next summer start!

Miss you guys.

letter for home- 28th of august

2010-08-28T02:22:00.000-07:00

3月1日

2010-02-28T16:52:00.000-08:00

乘著夢想的船，在生命的海上體會波潮起降為人性寫下的狂野與沈穩，喧鬧與安靜，傲慢與謙卑，希望與絕望，悲傷與喜悅，也都只是為了相信哪天，到達夢想中的那個地點時累積了更完整的自己。

可能最後到達的那個地方，也不是原來以為的那個地方，那個航行的方向，對回憶的那些人逆道而行，那些笑聲，那些擁抱，那些刻骨銘心的愛戀，那些孩子氣的永遠，牧羊少年離開深愛女人前往遠方說服自己的天真以為回頭是岸，卻忘了生命有生老病死克制永恆。

嘿，我們生命何奇短，在停滯的時光像止水卻內湧，在飛逝的時光像巨浪卻嚮往思考自我的靜，彷彿她就是一個默默知道終點的舵手，即使有時走入了無人之境，甚麼話語，甚麼聲音，甚麼舉手投足之間，都已經不重要。只剩下自己對自己說：嘿，往前走，別害怕。有時候，雪降到了臉用冷刺傷了我，無預警的雨水滲透了我皮膚，夜行車的狂者嘻笑喧鬧，冬天寒冷夜裡走不完回家旅程的恐懼，我們生命何奇卑微如水，夢想是蜜漿給了些味，喝成了慾望的彩虹汽水，開始了無止境的追尋旅程，相信哪天總有一瓶可以讓人看盡人間色彩繽紛，止了慾望的渴，從此從此，那個自己，再也不再嚮往或者害怕追求讓人覺悟的彩虹汽水的漫長路程，簡單從容的帶過這些旅程。花朵也開了，春天也來了，狐狸終於停下她的腳步，對小王子說最大的愛不是從考驗中萃得，而是包容考驗的萃得。

你從大雪而來，那時候彷彿昨天，我為你開門差點掉淚好像你從上輩子而來，然而你也勇敢，我也勇敢，所以我們都在這裡了，這個萬花筒般的地方。想起多年前，你跟我說建築的美是一種修行，我相信至今，她變成了我的彩虹汽水。你說這些年是不是一場倉促的夢，我們競爭我們追求，到了多年後，才理解如果沒有找到自己的語言，才是人生的荒蕪，哪怕這樣的發現可有可無。

有一回你說這真夢幻，這樣的單純真夢幻，生命退化或者進化成只有一種目的。你對美也有愛，我對美也有愛，而考驗在於，我們能不能放肆這對美的愛，意味著耐性也意味著那天夜裡我哭著對你說，我回不去了。

相擁後你我分別離開回到自己屬於的方向，我奢侈的走路回家，走入了音樂室，彈了那夜我沒彈完的心裡的歌。彈了一個鐘頭後，一個人打開了門，對我說他是新來的，還有他的名字。我想他好像你或我。千里迢迢，只為了為自己的樂音上譜。

放肆的睡了許久，就算明天會衝著我來。一切都會好起來的。

snowing day

2009-12-21T10:43:00.001-08:00

12月14記

2009-12-14T11:07:00.000-08:00

最近思考的事情煩雜多樣.

也久未好好整理些甚麼. 對自己說話的時間變長了. 很長的時間在公車站上等車來來回回就又問了自己一些事情或者為自己立定一些決心. 公車的行程看司機的心情. 司機也愛給臉色看常常哪段愛停不停. 連公車也能上演他卑微人生的七情六慾.

前天發起狠來放了自己一假, 跟一個磚巷占了別人的買賣地盤的流浪漢買了一台腳踏車. 也沒空殺得很用力. 最後流浪漢問我開不開心. 好似我開心的話他偷別人的車子也是善事. 在大家叫囂他之下我走開. 冒著雨騎車子回家. 我決定健康的過生活. 哪怕每天要背上那麼大的腳踏車鎖. 哪怕每天巴特雷似壓力告訴我說沒有時間.

R有一次在課堂上告訴我他覺得他來是找夢想, 他意識到西敏寺是他的comfort zone, 所以他想要挑戰更好的地方, 看看自己是不是真的好. 結果他現在困惑了. 我畫了一個電子式的0跟1 的大起大落. 他笑了我也笑了. 因為這就是巴特雷. 每天打開巴特雷大門, 雷切工坊 RP 大家都在戰戰兢兢口齒不清的說著自己對建築的夢想. 就算沒有誰是準備好的, 可是大家都意識到這就是戰場. 上了戰場就不能說自己還在學習怎麼上彈, 因為大家都用戰士的標準看待每一個作品. 模型圖面還有等等. 誰人在這裡沒有信仰? 新的信仰混沌不清, 但是混沌不清當中也要找到能夠讓人切入的美. 跟隨這樣的美. 從建築的材料施工細部深入發展種種處處驚奇. 因為在這裡你告訴他你知道的, 他告訴你他知道的, 誰在乎? 重要的是這些事情發展成未知的事情. 從未知的事情殺開了一條路.

不要停. 不管如何就是不要停下來. 一個學長在第一天認識的時候對我這麼說.

大前天評完圖跟同學學長喝酒喝到累. 最後學長要我答應他一件事情就是好好照顧自己給自己的生活一些時間. 我其實累的甚麼話也說不上. 只知道夜很冷倫敦很冷回家的路很長, 回到家馬上撲倒在床, 又是一天一夜. 不知道什麼時候開始大家就開始在這微小微妙的世界里, 每天看著大家奮力不顧一切的把物質生命可以道出的一切都放在設計上. 我跟多愁善感的瑞典女生不知不覺變成了很親近的朋友. 兩個人面對巴特雷排山倒海的壓力常常有如兩個小女子討論我們對自己信仰的愛與熱要如何釋給. 哭哭笑笑崩潰痊癒上上下下相信質疑中渡過. 才2個月半我們好像了解了彼此一輩子. 我們各自有過兩年Gap year, 她走了我沒去過的, 我走了她嚮往的. 可是我們不知不覺來到了倫敦, 25歲, 告別了家鄉多年, 卻再也甚麼地方都不留戀, 過去的讓它們的過去, 管他甚麼黯淡輝煌. 關上了巴特雷的隔間的門, 誰也不說過去, 一切重頭開始. 從點從線從面察看建築的真. 大前天她哭, 我也哭了. 趕圖之際她崩潰了, 我手沒有停的對她說, 黑, 不要停. 只要我們不要停止去嘗試, 我們會到那裏的.

昨天晚上也不管天氣有多冷, 獨自走到了千禧橋中間, 聽著聖保羅的鐘聲, 看著TATE的燈火. 整個倫敦好像變成了空城. 黑, 諾曼先生. 黑, 倫敦. 黑, 保羅. 黑, TATE, 感謝你們讓我變得更強壯.

for Woody, note from 27th of sept

2009-10-14T14:34:00.000-07:00

明天是開學日, 阿曄昨夜睡我宿舍. 大家都睡得沒有很好. 我6點多醒來, 用大同電鍋做了兩個雞蛋. 阿曄醒來我們吃了一個寒酸的早飯. 我也只有這些了.

昨天我和阿曄過了柏林之後又相逢了. 隔著一個宿舍的門我們看見了對方, 然後相擁. 交換了短暫分開中的旅程中的一些有趣的事情之後我們吃了旅程以來第一個我們一直以來負擔不起的, 完整的飯. 一個印度料理店, 在倫敦. 他堅持要請, 我想我也明白為甚麼. 像對Gabi說的, 有借有還, 緣份未完.

最後喝茶的時候, 他跟我說他在柏林時的一個惡夢, 也許是我們要開始各自旅程感覺到的慌張, 以致於夢見火車從明朗處開入了冷色的隧道, 大家都像死了一般, 使他驚醒.

來到倫敦的第一個夜晚, 也做了一個美夢:
我和阿曄來到了一個長滿東西的島, 夕陽使顏色變繽紛漂亮, 而我對阿曄說:" 就是這裡了."之後這個夢就結束了.

他離開的時候我們都非常得捨不得. 我們在地鐵站口說再見, 我不知道我們甚麼時候會見面, 就算會也不是最近了吧. 剛剛走得匆忙為了掩飾想哭的衝動. 阿曄的離開終結了我台灣的六年, 倉促與夢.

今天, 在倫敦, 阿曄走了, 我還在延續我的旅行, 數著日子到我有一天不會再去數. 在這裡, 就是這裡了.

9月27日晨, 2009年

note from merdeka day

2009-10-14T14:09:00.001-07:00

昨日整理旅行時留下的筆記, 發現國慶日8月31日在布達佩斯通往zsennye的車上寫下的文章:

昨夜夢見父母 , 馬來西亞的家.
如一個交雜複雜意義的夢一般, 用了各種可能的情緒, 曖昧地終結了自己.

離開家的感覺, 由初始的浮躁情緒, 轉成了如間斷樂音的思念, 思念久了, 時間將圖像都漂白. 少了回憶中的人的問候或者生命的再次介入, 將漸漸的退化或者產生不曾存在的錯覺. 然而, 當有一天回憶以夢境的形式再度出現, 說不定, 已經回不去了.

就如我爺爺一般, 我最近常常想起他. 想起他飄洋過海下南洋. 背後的豪語或者誓言都變成了昨天. 而後在南洋的海上, 異鄉都還是想像的時候, 泛著海的味道的他, 被告知要準備下船. 啊, 經歷了一整個南中國海, 異鄉.

沒有故鄉的味道和饑荒. 活過了中國的惡夢, 一整片海洋. 異鄉這個艱難的夢想, 到了就會緊緊的抓住. 故鄉從此以夢的方式, 在身體深處生根糾纏.

有時候夢會提醒他, 那些千里之外的人, 閒言閒語, 戀人或家人. 還有家嗎?

那年他和奶奶去了中國, 奶奶在萬里長城說她想要休息, 後來就沒有了動靜.

爺爺, 將奶奶的身體一路帶回了旅館, 帶上了飛機, 當別人問起他就說, 老伴累了睡一會.

然後, 又對奶奶說: 我們回家去.

8月31日2009年國慶日快樂

In London!

2009-10-04T07:46:00.000-07:00

Moving back to london and settling down, I have no more travel plan in recent days.

Yes, I simply want to settle down. However, I have to admit that I am terribly missing my dear friends I had spent most time with in my trip. Somehow I feel I myself become bigger inside even for some reason it was driven by controversies and contradictories that I had witnessed from my trip, of course, most of them are undeniably beautiful.

Back in London, I start to read the book list that I had collected from the people that I had met during the trip. Like an extension of the friendship, now the words from the book simply speak for them, and tell the following stories of these friends in a more intellectual way.

I still learning how to live my life in this strange place which never feel shame to show off its countless complexities like a beauty mirroring itself into an infinite way.

25 years old, the life has just begun.

Amsterdam

2009-10-04T07:20:00.000-07:00

I had left amsterdam for several days. However, the experience I had in Amsterdam assured that I will go back to this city. My host in amsterdam was an indonesian woman who had been staying in amsterdam for 18 years, almost half of her lifetime. She has a little daughter that i barely had chance to meet with. When I first arrived to amsterdam it was her neighbour Nadir, a Kurt who hosted me in the freezing cold night with biryani and delicous chicken soup, and his story from Iraq. I fall sick the next day because of exhaustion from the whole trip. It was him again lend me his couch for sleeping. For the first time i was so tired and wanting to sleep even i know that i will feel pity that if i miss the beautiful city like amsterdam.

It was the brazilian lovely couple, that i met on the second days gave me strength again in the second day. They have been travelling for the whole year and malaysia was one of their favourite place. Their smiling had given me a lot of strength to move on my trip again, as it was so warm and friendly.

Nothing is a coincidence, I will go to Rio de Janeiro, your hometown because I had chose the studio which will go to Brazil in the coming year. See you guys there.

Germany-berlin+hamburg

2009-09-21T14:33:00.000-07:00

Prague

2009-09-15T13:26:00.000-07:00

I think some day i will come back to this city for sure. Not for its beautiful building, not for Kafka, nor for Milan Kundera. But for the fragrances I had smelt over the street, for the written postcards that I had read over the aged bookstore which kept by aged keeper, for the beer shop keeper who staring over the street and making those profound look, for the photo of potraits waited to be discovered and imagined, for the ambiguous looks of the passer by, for the chilly wind that make you feel better with drinking some authentic czech beer in the late night, for the people that i had seriously missed a lot and pondering about.

Vienna

2009-09-15T11:57:00.001-07:00

Vienna is an unforgetable city because of you, my dear friends.

I havent see Tobias and Carina for almost two years after a Shanghai workshop which we participated before in Tongji university. It was very nice to meet them up again, in Vienna, their lovely city. It was really good to see the way they live in Vienna, lovely and so Otto Wagner. The whole city is still glorious of Otto wagner's city planning in last century.

I feel myself totally in love with the tranquility of the city daily life and also the viennese humor, especially Tobias sister. We shared a lot of good time together, cooking and changing the recipes.Yes, I cooked the chinese cuisine, recently I found my mother cooking talent in me and I started to enjoy buying ingredients and cook something fit my stomach. Hosted by Tobias is totally a luxurious experience. Affected by his father artistic way of living, their spaces have being decorated in the really lovely way especially the roof top and the artist studio. I love watching the sunlight spread through the door from the kitchen after the breakfast, softly and tenderly telling a story in viennese german, which couldn't be understood by other german speaking people, unique and personal.

To be honest, I don't remember any street that I had been travelled in Vienna, I just know that I been to a lot of paths I walked with my dearest friends that I had been missing so much for a long time, their talking, their expressions, the sunlight and even the cold wind soothed our skin. After Shanghai, we finally caught some moments to talk over something that we hadnt have chance to talk about.

Knowing some stories and telling some stories, are simply great. Good to have you.

Budapest and Zsennye workshop

2009-09-06T14:56:00.000-07:00

Today is the last day of staying in Budapest, It was amazing to meet so many nice people and share time with them. I came to budapest for a workshop which organized by some wonderful people such as Peti, Miki, Gabi, Dani.... yes their name are all formed in 4 charaters and ended up with i. And these people are just brilliant people you can imagine. The workshop was running in a castle of hunter in Zsennye, a small town in the west side of hungary. We had a lot of fun to meet some really funny and creative people from all around the places.

When I was in the workshop I have to walk everyday from the castle to the guest house in the forest, and the forest is famous for its beauty and mosquitoes. Undoubtedly the mosquitoes spray became the body lotion when i wanted to get to the guesthouse. However, I have to say that everyday i have the same imaginary about the forest such as I was the Red Hat walking toward her grandma's house in the forest.

As the workshop had already ended a few days ago, I miss the people quite much and thinking about some of them a lot, the funny pranks, the random jokes, the emotional sharing and the improvising entertainment. Gosh, I think I gonna miss you guys so much. From you guys I had realized a lot of things secretly, thank you for taking the same train with me on this journey.

As the symbol of the workshop is an Oak tree near by where the castle located, we were talking about going to the Oak tree all the time but we barely have time for it when the workshop was running. In the last day we manage to take some of the free time before closing ceremony to go to the Oak tree, it was so huge but a few years ago it was stormed the fallen parts become rotten. However, the major part of it still alive and growing the new branches from its remain branches. I touched the Oak tree and tried to tell it like telling myself,

" you will be fine again."

In London!

2009-08-22T12:35:00.000-07:00

my family branch in london

effie's living room- where i first settled myself in london

the legendary bartlett school

yes, london is expensive

20 days SEA trip- Bali

2009-08-16T18:25:00.000-07:00

20 days SEA trip- Melacca

2009-08-16T07:16:00.000-07:00

20 days SEA Trip-Kuala lumpur

2009-08-16T02:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, another trip in this year for Kuala lumpur, Melacca, Bali, Singapore and my city with my lovely friends. It was a 20 days trip busy ourselves scanning the town and trying possibly all the local food which can be found. Thanks to everyone who had helped me on the trip and especially my dearest Rabbit, you know i am refering to you, my dear.

Food exchanging!!!

2009-07-19T07:56:00.000-07:00

Thanks for Mo hosting and his lovely apartment! We had some conversations about his country Lebanon and exchanged our opinion about Kuala Lumpur. By the way, we also exchanged food, yes, Lebanese food and Malaysian food!! He cooked me a lebanese salad and some beef and surprised me with the good taste. And the other day I cooked the potato egg salad and chicken with chop suey to return his kindness back. With his lovely friend Loosh, we had more enjoyable talks and I thought that i will miss these friends soon. The short staying had changed my view about Kuala Lumpur. As it is right in the core of Kuala Lumpur, I can easily get to the places I want to go.

KL for British Visa!

2009-07-17T01:19:00.000-07:00

my recent drawing at home

2009-07-13T03:07:00.000-07:00

The harmony silk factory

2009-07-09T01:47:00.000-07:00

I am surprised by the sophistication of the textile of this story. And surprised to find this author from malaysia and set this story background in malaysia. The book is trying to assemble the character Johnny lim from the memories from his son, wife and his best friend- peter. However, the limitation of their experience and their conclusion never compose the character wholly. New textile from the same piece of story element keep transforming through the story-lines. Every page show new discovery or reveals, I think this is the main reason that I finish this book within a day.

einstein's death

2009-07-06T21:05:00.000-07:00

Today, Einstein dead.

Reading his whole life within a few days is just like witnessing this highly intellectual genius went through a life with so much suffering and struggle, passion and discovery. His life was amazing with ceaseless adventures in physic problem, or challenge of mind.

Something from the book which makes me feel quite inspired is the way he face the things he cant change is to switch his attention to the things he can do at that moment. For instance, Jewish had faced massacre from Nazi in 30's 40's. He was in america and unable to change this tragedy of human civilization, so he switch the dark fact of life into a pursuit of the ultimate truth of universe. This kind of characteristic can be found in his earlier life and latter life, which had granted him a fruitful accomplishment through his life.

The book also collected his intelligent speaking toward the sensitive issue of his time, such as palestinian land, atomic bomb and also the atom physic. Influenced by one of my arabic friend, I started to give more attention to the arab world and their issue. The experience traveling around kuwait also make me pondering more on the arab situation, especially the Palestinian land issue. As an outsider, pages of reading and thinking still cannot make me comment to the situation fairly, but quote einstein's word :" the way hebrew treat arab will test whether they had learned the lesson from 2000 years of suffering. "

Back to my own room

2009-07-05T06:35:00.001-07:00

My room has not so much change since the chinese new year. I had changed the bulb as it was broken.

Today I hang the drawings and my necklaces on the wall, which I believe will make the room more warm-looking with decorations. However, I feel that the room has still a lot of things to be done as I had left home for quite a while.

After working on here and there, I look at the rabbit and smile. It was presented by a dear friend of mine, who kindly gave me the rabbit for enduring the loneliness and solitude away from my second home- taichung.

Thank you and love you.

back home

2009-07-01T18:06:00.000-07:00

Trying to write something at the coffee shop in Sabah airport. This is my first time coming to Sabah, the airport is just located on the seaside and I can even see the sea through the wide opened window.

Leaving Taiwan where I had lived for quarter of my life is quite overwhelming. After packing the stuff that I wanted to send back home. I spent some time with the people I always love and miss a lot. We had done a lot of pranks which we believe that we wont forget for quite a long time and also went through a lot of hardship that really shape our philosophy together, altogether had shaped us and our friendship into a metaphor.

I went back to NCTU which the special place that I had learned a lot of great things from the day before my leaving. I saw my professor- Aleppo, which I learned thesis methodology from and apologized for my absence for the final class. He told me that he was organizing a farewell dinner for me last time but he will save it as a raincheck and buy me a dinner when he come to london for conference in the coming winter. We had a hug and he gave me his most recent theory research book before my leaving. I was glad that I had met most of the people that I always want to meet before my leave.

A few hours later I will go back to my own place and start a different mode of living there, there are tremendous amount of readings and exercises to do before my leaving for england. I had sent back home more than 10 boxes of books and research paper so I can do that at my house without so much distractions.

Dear darling, I hope I can become a much more better person when you see me again. I will try my best to build my body into a healthy one again, and also try to finish the things I promise myself to finish before our next meeting. So there wont be any worries and hassles for the next trip.

I admit that I was a bit depressed when we were separated by the gate counter and can only see each other from the other side. Suddenly the world was divided into two, and the cursed one is the world that without you.

You said that I seemed upset when I was a few minutes left to enter the gate. There were so many things to be said but it was all messed up into a sequence of unspeakable sorrow for the unshiftable history that we weren’t dare to change and unable to make up in such a short hug that I gave you. And they were all being concluded into a future - to love you without shame and to bless you without ego.

Read my lips, my dear, these are the words I was trying to tell you: I love you ultimately.

Travelling around east taiwan

2009-06-22T06:51:00.000-07:00

It been a while to post something new again. As leaving taiwan is an immediate fact, I had started to travel with my friends around taiwan ( majorly the east part) for 5 days. We had alot fun during this trip. Nice food, sea, mountain and all the nature beauty!!!

Glowing animals emerge

2009-05-28T07:04:00.000-07:00

It is bizarre to see things around you glowing with colored light. I extracted the pictures of those glowing animal and organism from the National Geogrphic website after seen these beautiful creatures from a blog that I visited alot these days. It reminds me of the possibilities to make some plants have the possibilities to change their color due to different circumstances. The following is the one i find interesting:

Rhesus Macaque Monkey

How does it glow?Green fluorescent protein, introduced into DNA of egg via virus (2008)

What can we learn?Scientists at the Yerkes National Primate Research Center in Atlanta are using green fluorescent protein to study Huntington's disease, which destroys nervous tissue. In 2008 the researchers infected unfertilized monkey eggs with an HIV-like virus, which changed the eggs' DNA to include the defect that causes Huntington's.The virus also introduced a protein that would make rhesus monkeys fluoresce under ultraviolet light (as pictured)--making it easier to study the effects of the disease on the monkeys' brains.
—Photograph courtesy Anthony Chan, Emory University

Tobacco

How does it glow?Firefly luciferase gene, introduced via a virus into tobacco DNA (1986)

What can we learn?Iowa State University scientists inserted a genetic structure from fireflies into a tobacco plant, causing it to glow.Unlike the gleam spurred by green fluorescent protein, the firefly-derived glow--caused by the pigment luciferin and the enzyme luciferase--does not require ultraviolet light to fluoresce. The firefly light, though, does require oxygen and, under some conditions, ATP, a molecule involved in energy storage inside cells.
—Photograph courtesy Iowa State University

extracted from Koran -sula

2009-05-14T07:51:00.000-07:00

"Ismalarahim In the name of God

If the earthquake of the earth becomes earthquake

the ground of the ground come out from the ground

and the people is going to question what happen to the earth

On that day, the earth will speak of its feeling

God has given the power for it to convey

people will be divided into believer of different facets of truth

who had done an item of goodness will see the good

who had done an item of evilness will see the evil"

I always remember my time reading Koran with my dear friend in the desert. When she read this part i find it really touched my feeling as i have a strong feeling that these words will turn into truth in whatever approach. What a coincidence it has some relation with the things I was working on and thinking over and over again even until now.

The experience travelling in middleeast and reading about them make my interest grow within their beautiful art history and their high sense of integration of science with art. The most mentionable example is the arabesque which combine both. The ancient scientist of arab appreciated geometries that grow within the center which representing the absolute or ultimate powerof the universe.

The following is one of the pattern website which show the generative process how to generate those marvellous pattern.

http://www.dartmouth.edu/~matc/math5.pattern/syllabus.html

Pictures taken in Taiwan along the years

2009-05-03T09:14:00.000-07:00

sketches made during a summertime years ago

2009-05-03T09:01:00.000-07:00

studio life

2009-05-03T08:54:00.000-07:00

Studio life during college

Collection of my drawing

2009-05-03T08:40:00.000-07:00

I had found some of my drawing after seeking the my friends picture in my computer and Data CD. Most of these drawing were done during my high school, a long and melancholy period of youth.

Clarence

2009-05-03T07:52:00.000-07:00

Clarence is one of my best friend during those years studying architecture in my college. his humorous accompanied with a little bit sarcastic, confidence accompanied with a little bit self center, overally speaking, he is a nice guy. He had help me out alot along these years. Now he is pursuing his study in an art institute in South taiwan. He recently uploaded his works in his blog.

the following is his blog: www.wretch.cc/album/nanicla

My dear friend Jiro

2009-05-03T05:52:00.000-07:00

today my friend Jiro sent me his collection of our photo since we start our college life together. i was so surprised that he kept all those photos of us. when i asked him how could he make it and he told me that this is the most important things that he want to keep forever with him besides girls! so touching my goodness. Dear friend I will also bring these memories of us with me to elsewhere in this world.

Friends

2009-05-03T03:26:00.000-07:00

Meeting friends quite frequently these days. As leaving taiwan is going to become a immediate future of mine. It is a bit saddened to think about i might not able to see some people in the unpredictable future. As it was almost 6 years staying here, I spent 1/4 of my life time here and met a lot of fabulous people. Whatever it comes, you going to live in my heart.

my life back to taichung

2009-05-03T03:01:00.000-07:00

I haven't update this blog for quite a while, since i am quite busy working on the assignment and learning new thing. After spending more than half year drifting around the cities and thinking about the further life path, moving back to Taichung is a little voice that i had always kept in my heart. However, this becoming an exotic experience since most of my same age friends had left taichung for quite some while. Those pictures above were the picture of my room. I had rented a big place near university, which i can easily approach the school library. When life is not as hectic as before and more sensible, noticing the little change of whole day becoming part of my daily life. The rainbow in the water, the sunlight pouring on the cushion, and even the ambiguous shadow.

Moving back to taichung!!!!

2009-03-23T08:01:00.000-07:00

Okie, its time to report to this blog about my recent activities.
I recently got the admission letters from Columbia unversity, Bartlett school of University college of london and Delft university. So I am on my way deciding where to go even i think the the priority would definitely my dream school which has lasted throughout my pursuit of architecture designer dream....
I quited my job, which i really like and interesting. I have to do that in order to focus on the scholarship application. Even I am just quited job yesterday but i already started to miss my working life in there and luckily i will go back for serving them a malaysian food the day after tomorrow.
Okie, tomorrow will be a big day for me as i have to seek for a room in taichung and start my temporary vacation there!!!! looking forward to move back to taichung!!!

My Personal Web Site Launch!!!!!

2009-02-27T06:10:00.000-08:00

I always want to find a place for integrating my Youtube video channel, facebook, blogspot, flickr and my personal contact or information as I distributed it all around the internet servers in this world. For this reason, I found an internet host Miroko which able to give me 5 gb space so I can make my own web site. This was really exciting so I start to make my schedule on composing the web site. This web site can be generally divided by four parts: personal information which included my own history and publications, Experimental projects which included my imaginary design works or on going projects and also my literature works, Portfolio part which included my architectural portfolio and finally my travel journals which i always want to arrange them.

Besides experimental projects, the other parts can be entered as I still arranging my data for experimental projects. It will includes the categories of designing for couchsurfer, my place design, fengchia arch web design and also my on going projects. Aha!

here comes the web site:

http://ecclipse28.miroko.tw/index.html

!!!

the pursuit of happiness

2009-02-27T01:47:00.000-08:00

I have been staying in Taipei for two months. Routing between malaysia and taiwan, I find a lot of differences that make me rethink about a lot of things, which is the usual things to do every time I move between this two places. Tomorrow will be a big day for me just hopefully everything will come in a good way.
Life is composed up by series of consequences and realizations, though. Two days ago we had a talk over the design we had reached to some certain stage. we had exchanged discussions upon the design, the dreams, lifes, decisions, and futures after serious discussion, which inspired me a lot too.
Stability of mind and actual status is always being pursued by anyone else as can be seen. Eventhough the stability is enjoyable and probably seems fruitful sometimes, the quest of life cannot be denied. It is unbearable to see dream becoming an unreachable destination.
However, my companion, it is a good things when people come to you or stay with you out of honesty but self-denial. What use when people come to you in darkness because they unable to see their soul clearly? what use when these people offer you help on your way toward dreams when they do not have the gut for pursuing their own dream? And what good is that state if it comes to this when people are blinded and dreams are denied. It is better to be honest and be daring to make a next step instead of being in a circle of lies and confusions which erected introvertedly.
The pursuit of happiness need courages, courage for seeing through the lies, courage to be honest to your soul and courage to purify it by taking action on what it request you to. No sacrification of soul is being made, then you will win the world with ultimate honesty.

Francis tropical lounge house

2009-02-04T18:07:00.000-08:00

I was being invited by my cousin and her husband to their friend Francis's house in kuching, which is highly artistic and sophisticatedly decorated by the antiques or decoration he had collected from all around south east asia. After some photoshooting of his house and heartfully praises out of deep admiration for his place, we had some beer and talked about the trips we had made before and the things we had collected from those trips.

Francis had travelled vietnam, cambodia, thailand and burma, bringing back all these delicated stuffs from those place was a huge effort. I asked him whether he majored in architecture related field in his college he said he just had his interest on playing on these stuffs and relocating them from time to time. Some theme parties had been made for suiting these house by suggestion of his friends. Anyway, seeing how his house being made or decorated is like realizing another dream of mine with his own hand!!!

Wendy's room at malaysia house

2009-02-04T17:14:00.000-08:00

OK!!! this is getting me really excited about introducing my room in malaysia. Yeah the room I shared with my talkative but eventually funny sister. As chinese custom had demanded, we cleaned our room abit and relocated the things so it got more tidier for the chinese new year. Something good about growing up is it is not necessary to follow what people think the way it should be. After I came back from malaysia the room makes me really homesick now.

My sis and I shared a really big room, before that we used to have different possessions of our own to stucked up the room. but this year, i determined to let the room seems more tidier so i moved those books i had read to our study room downstair. we changed the desk into a lower desk by taking off its leg and support it with the used books or boxes. My sister used to play a chinese musial instrument which called gucheng but now the instruments becomes our decoration. and For the sun drawn upon the wall, I drew it when i was 17, a difficult and bizarre age. I need some positive energy from the things I had created. This probably can explain why it has been there since long time ago.

Chinese new year in kuching!

2009-01-26T05:01:00.000-08:00

Today is the first day of Chinese new year, we ( the whole family) as a typical kuchingian chinese, visited most of the relatives and filled our stomach with various recipe of curry and Rendang. Imagine two days ago I still trapped in Santubong mountain trekking and swear that i will start working on the examination if I back to the town still find myself alive, now i am all freed from the possibilities of falling down from the trees or rocks, eating curry and corrupted by the sweets the elders offered.

Two days ago, I went to the trekking with HanTan, a photographer I had hosted 3 weeks ago in taipei and two other french guys we had met in kuching. I almost gave up when I saw the scary ladder which tightened by rope and round shaped wood on the way of mountain trekking. However they persuaded me and I let go of the thought of dying in the mountain and start climbing. However, things turned out to be good because it was like a conversation of yourself with god. the conversation composed up mostly by the questioning about the life, the quest

and dreams. I back to the town exhausted and crippled because of the tiredness. Proudly called my father and stated that i am still alive.

Yesterday, I met Rene from CS and we went out for venturing this town again. It was good to rethink everything about my connection with the town. Rene was telling me about his big trip for 5 years and things in his travel. We had our dinner at my house as my family had prepared the chinese new year eve dinner for a week.

After seeing these peoples, I started to think about my own big trip, which started like a girl who has nothing to lose, nothing to fear, must being much more fearless to move on.

< The life of Pi> and

2009-01-20T22:47:00.000-08:00

Ok, I already back to my hometown kuching yesterday. Within the whole transfering trip i had read a few books, Such as "the life of pi" and" The road" which claimed that the author would probably get the nomination of Nobel prize. Since this is my blog, I want to be ultimately honest to express my subjective view about these two books.

"the life of pi" is a great job of combining despair, dream, imagination and creativities! In my past reading experience, a good book make me rethink about life, dream and love. This book is defintely one of them. Both of these made me confuse, but the life of pi is in a good way. At the end of the story, the experience of the character converted into a metaphor of human character. And " The road" is in a cliche confusing way.

While reading " The road" you can feel the intensity of author's struggle to make the storyline develop its depth in emotion. However my dear author of " The road" , when the same sadness or the despairs are retold again and again, it is too predictable and cliche to come to an unexplored realm of emotion or plot. However, this is not the only reason the book become boring. Flesh eating and blood drinking are not fresh to intensify the despair of human moral downturn, numerous story write about this but it doesnt turn them into a good book or depth development. At the last 40 pages the book turn reading becomes a stream of boredom and when it comes to the last page "finally, it ends in a predictable way!"

best book of the 25 years

2009-01-04T06:00:00.000-08:00

Ok, which book you had read from this list, it seems like i still have a lot of reading to do.
First place
Disgrace (1999)
JM Coetzee
Coetzee became the first writer to win the Booker Prize for a second time with this exploration of post- apartheid South Africa, which centres on Professor David Lurie, in self-imposed exile at his daughter's remote farm after an ill-advised affair with a student.

Second place

Money (1984)
Martin Amis

Super-charged, anarchic and full of narrative acrobatics, Money burst on to the Eighties literary scene leaving a trail of imitators and devotees in its wake, not least because of its formidable, if frequently repulsive narrator, ad director John Self .

Joint third place

Earthly Powers (1980)
Anthony Burgess

Homosexual writer Keith Toomey is asked to write the memoirs of the late Pope Gregory XVII - a commission that takes him on a whirlwind recap of the major events of the 20th century.

Atonement (2001)
Ian McEwan

Opening in 1935 , Atonement focuses on Briony Tallis , at first as a 13-year-old implicated in the conviction of a family friend for rape and, latterly, an elderly novelist on the brink of losing her memory

The Blue Flower (1995)
Penelope Fitzgerald

Fitzgerald's final novel is frequently cited as her masterpiece. It recreates the life of the 18th-century German poet and philosopher Novalis , focusing on his romance with a 12-year-old girl .

The Unconsoled (1995)
Kazuo Ishiguro

Ishiguro's intricate, dream-like fourth novel marked a radical departure from the more conventional narratives of his earlier work, evoking the great European masters of film as much as fiction.

Midnight's Children (1981)
Salman Rushdie

Rushdie's second novel not only won the Booker prize but was also awarded the 'Booker of Bookers' in 1993. It unites powerful subject matter - the partition of India - with a dazzling, playful style.

Joint eighth place

The Remains of the Day (1989)
Kazuo Ishiguro

Stevens , a butler at Darlington Hall, takes a trip to the West Country . His memories - particularly of the late Lord Darlington , revealed as a Nazi sympathiser - throw into sharp relief the novel's themes of collusion, betrayal and repression.

Amongst Women (1990)
John McGahern

A powerful meditation on 20th-century Irish history, particularly focusing on the Troubles, this novel was a runner-up for the Booker prize of 1990, and a national bestseller, confirming its author's reputation as Ireland's leading novelist.

That They May Face the Rising Sun (2001)
John McGahern

A study of a rural community in Ireland, the changing seasons and the gradual creep of modernity. A genre-bending fiction that incorporates memoir, history, folklore and a therapeutic reprise of the author's own career.
Other nominations
Hawksmoor (1985) Peter Ackroyd
The Old Devils (1986) Kingsley Amis
Behind the Scenes at the Museum (1995) Kate Atkinson
The Handmaid's Tale (1985) Margaret Atwood
An Awfully Big Adventure (1989) Beryl Bainbridge
The Wasp Factory (1984) Iain Banks
The Untouchable (1997) John Banville
The Regeneration Trilogy (1991-95) Pat Barker
Flaubert's Parrot (1984) Julian Barnes
A Long, Long Way (2005) Sebastian Barry
Ill Seen Ill Said (1981) Samuel Beckett
Possession: A Romance (1990) AS Byatt
True History of the Kelly Gang (2000) Peter Carey
A Perfect Spy (1986) John le Carre
Nights at the Circus (1984), Wise Children (1991) Angela Carter
Waiting for the Barbarians (1980), Age of Iron (1990), Masters of Petersburg (1994) JM Coetzee
The Barrytown Trilogy (1987-91) Roddy Doyle
Gwendolen (1989) Buchi Emecheta
Birdsong (1993) Sebastian Faulks
The Beginning of Spring (1988) Penelope Fitzgerald
To the Ends of the Earth: A Sea Trilogy (1980-89) William Golding
Unlikely Stories, Mostly (1983), 1982, Janine (1984) Alasdair Gray
Transit of Venus (1981) Shirley Hazzard
Ridley Walker (1980) Russell Hoban
The Line of Beauty (2004) Alan Hollinghurst
Never Let Me Go (2005) Kazuo Ishiguro
A Disaffection (1989), How Late It Was, How Late (1994) James Kelman
The Buddha of Suburbia (1990) Hanif Kureishi
English Passengers (2004) Matthew Kneale
The Life of Pi (2002) Yann Martel
As Meat Loves Salt (2001) Maria McCann
The Comfort of Strangers (1981), Enduring Love (1997) Ian McEwan
No Great Mischief (1999) Alistair MacLeod
Fugitive Pieces (1996) Anne Michaels
The Restraint of Beasts (1998) Magnus Mills
A Fine Balance (1995) Rohinton Mistry
Mother London (1988) Michael Moorcock
The Enigma of Arrival (1987) VS Naipaul
After You'd Gone (2000) Maggie O'Farrell
His Dark Materials Trilogy (1995-2000) Philip Pullman
I Was Dora Suarez (1990) Derek Raymond
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (2005) JK Rowling
The God of Small Things (1997) Arundhati Roy
A Suitable Boy (1993) Vikram Seth
Hotel World (2001) Ali Smith
A Far Cry From Kensington (1988) Muriel Spark
The White Hotel (1981) DM Thomas
Restoration (1989) Sacred Country (1992) Rose Tremain
Omeros (1990) Derek Walcott
The Passion (1987) Jeanette Winterson

Q & A

2009-01-04T04:20:00.000-08:00

"if you only read three books along a year, choose this one" quoted by a reader for this book. but my quote is " if you read only one book within three years, pick this one" I read this book during the four-day-vacation at home. I was thinking about writing something and organizing my thoughts about the story i am going to write. This book was a book i randomly picked from the bookstore as my main target was the book "dante's equation" (which boasting its intellectual writing method had outshined a lot of adventures book, such as davinci's code). Ok back to the book Q&A , indian never stop surprise me. yeah, this book is a book about courage, never cease trying, adventure and love. Like gina.b I had introduced before, this book is a kind of urban myth like the movie trainspotting , but in a better way. You will definitely feel how genius or how imaginary the author mind is in this book. I finished it in one afternoon and when it came to the last part of the book, i couldn't keep myself from yelling:" wow, oh my gosh! this is so XXXXing genius!"

My friend Pam Blog

2008-12-30T18:26:00.000-08:00

I already been here for 10 days, Now i am working on setting up the blog for the design company im working for. I am alone in the office and my head was full with different ideas and the things I doing or wanting to do. I enjoy the loneliness as it makes me feel free and clear in my mind. Being silence is the best kind of honesty to confront the inner voice. The sweet thing happened today is my friend sent me a link of her blog during my work, she wrote something about me after i sent her the link of my winning news. It feels special to have someone amazing as her to share news with. I miss you guys so much and i will be back to malaysia on 19th Jan.
The following was her blog:

I have people asking who's that gal in my previous post, way to go,my fren! . Well, here's the answer: she's my sec school fren!!She's no other by the crazy gal sitting behind me for a whole year. She's crazy back then, but then, she can be real serious when she wants to. We fooled around, and we held each other to aim better. I remembered the days when she would fool around always, and entertaining us all...guess none can deny that though we were scolding her for being mad, we do miss that her,eh?She was the one who got real excited when she heard what i wanted to do for my future, and since that day, she became one of the frens who would always tell me that i will make it one day. She was the one who went around looking about info on the uni my dad planned to put me then, and convinced me it's a good choice..i remembered the newspaper clipping about the uni that she would cut out for me.. thinking back, i guess my uni should pay her for promoting them..hahaShe's what and where she is today for her hard work..Though over the years we seldom keep in touch, but there's no deny about the road she had gone through to be where she is today.. with that, I am real proud of her. Like what i mentioned to her, my nose is hitting the ceiling soon..*GriN* (like the image up there)To me, she has already got to her dreams, but of course, she has more to achieve. Whatever it is, she deserves every single bit she is having now. And though today she is much more serious, that persistent and determination in her is still the same as the gal behind me many years back.Way to go, gal! Best of luck and soar high!!U made your family proud, and i am sure proud of you:-)

My dear, sometime I also wondering that why I can be that crazy (destructive approaches), fooling around with alot of people during that time. I think I was just not sure of what to do, lack of sense of security, and trying to find answer from being playful. Even though it gave me a lot of fun or embarassments but everytime when i look back, I think it was those moments which gave me a lot of teaching and lesson to become a better person even i havent found the answer from the question i was asking. However, we did enjoyed the pranks we had done! Hope to see you in the near future, my dear.

first day in taipei- about my room! part I

2008-12-20T02:16:00.000-08:00

today i moved in the apartment i rented in taipei. settling everything down and start to venture around the surrouding. I still want to paint the wall into the color i had designed yesterday. Now i staying alone again! yahoo!!!! I start to know those people who live beside me.. one of the girls also undergoing the application for studying abroad. She want to go to america for continueing her study. There are some nice restaurant nearby my place and the laundry here is damnly expensive. Ok, i will paint and do a lot of work for this room... and then start to dream again!!!

oh my new space!

2008-12-19T08:52:00.000-08:00

Ah ha, I quitted NCTU and then found a new place in taipei. These pictures are the draft design for my room. Adding more color and something I already have to fill up the room. So it would be able to show my personality. I dont like dreadful-all-white-color so i planned to fille some light purple and hang some simple drawing like that ... and the lighting... just see what i can get from market. Looking forward to see the space becoming more personalized

Ayn rand < The fountainhead>

2008-12-07T20:14:00.000-08:00

Finished Ayn Rand <> in the last two day of my stay in Delhi, I think of how the whole idea I gained from my university education. I was thinking that whether those things they had stated were statement of this majority or the outer reflection of inner greed. I admire the character of Roark the most. He seems arrogant and self center but he care about what is his own need and dream. He is determined and highly talented in architecture field. The last statement he made in the court when he was sued for blasting the building he had done but unable to be finalized with his drawing was just brilliant.
However in my own experience, I had seen a lot of people which resemble peter, extremely opposite of what Roark is. Never sure of what they want and just let the life leading them. He is a character keep collecting people opinion but never listen to his own desire. His life lead to the miserable ending and never had a chance to make them as the one he could make or wish anymore. He married the woman he doesn't love because it can be a topic of public. He kept using Roark design because he started to lose confidence about what he really good at gradually. He tried to win every competition and start using people because he thought the network of these famous thread would elevate his own position. This kind of character remind of some people around me.
so helpless and so miserable.
however, this is a really enjoyable book and the attitude of roark toward his position as an architect is just admirable!!!!

Holcim Award Next generation winner!!!

2008-11-28T20:52:00.000-08:00

How to describe such a complex feeling?!
I came to india to attend the Holcim sustainable architecture award in the next generation category. I had my good time here as I had seen so many amazing people and some people from Malaysia my hometown. There was another malaysian team in my category and we had a nice time being together and took a lot of pictures.
I was so nervecracking when the host announced the second prize and it still not yet come to my name, i told Chee maybe its a misunderstanding for the whole thing. Maybe i was just invited to witness the ceremony( very dumb explaination). and it was so shocked when the host mentioned my name when he was announcing the first prize. My first thought is OK i have the base to go to travel the whole world now!
Nelson Benjamin from the star newspaper told me that they had a meeting yesterday morning. and from thousand of submittance there were only 15 malaysian submit for the competition. So it is really great to see that 2 malaysian team won the category.
we had a funny moment with these new friends, last night Amita story about she hugging saruhkhan in kl and she intended to ask what perfume that saruhkhan wear was the climax of the night, AHA, also the confession time! We went to the hotel bar and sit there for really funny confession time. Nelson cancelled his trip to chennai in order to get to mumbai and get the news from the tragedy. His boss contact him to change his plan as soon as he describe how happy he ouldbe to go to chennai for his friend. LOL!!!

Now I am going to pack up my things and leave this lovely hotel - TAJ PALACE. I intended to stay here for more days but when i asked them how much have to pay if i want to stay here for one more day? they told me that they will give me a discount and it would be 360 USD.
______ ok. That's why i started to pack

The Tie up game

2008-10-31T06:27:00.000-07:00

Today I just hand in the assignment of Tie-up game, which is also a game required us to process a design with single method or single material. I pick rope as my material and the act of tie as my method to create a cloth.

Designer and elastic mind

2008-10-26T22:58:00.000-07:00

Designer and elastic mind

This is actually an exhibition which held in MoMA, new york this spring. I knew this exhibition from TED talks which given by the curator Paola Antonelli. I stored the video in my IPOD and watch it before sleep, but the idea i had obtained from this video cause my latter sleeplessness.

As a designer myself, I feel that most of the designers always seeking for new stimulation from various aspects such as science, material, nature...etc. The ultimate purpose of this ceaseless finding is to find an issue for developing or elaborating their design. However, their work would usually ( actually most of the time) turned out to be secondary to what the scientific research had brought out, because it has no emotion or designer vision in it. So, the designer are pushed to their dillemma- what is the role of designer in this kind of hybrid design process?

This exhibition had introduced a lot of designers implied their role with their work. The collaboration with scientific researcher didn't make the depth of the scientific research become manipulative in the design process. Designers putted in a position that rethinking about something more associated with mind, emotion and behavior. Some works like shown a good result from collaboration of insightful designer and scientific researcher.

http://www.loop.ph/bin/view/Loop/WebHome fabric of life

http://www.noamtoran.com/ object of lonely man

www.ted.com/index.php/talks/paola_antonelli_previews_design_and_the_elastic_mind.html teds talk

India and nepal travel-2008

2008-10-24T04:17:00.000-07:00

travelling in hk, shanghai

2008-10-24T04:07:00.000-07:00

records from my work, emotion, and whatever

2008-10-24T04:04:00.000-07:00

records from my travel (indonesia,nepal,cambodia,taiwan)

2008-10-24T03:59:00.000-07:00

random drawing

2008-10-24T03:51:00.000-07:00

cycling around taiwan 2007 notebook

2008-10-23T23:21:00.000-07:00

heart of suzhoucreek- my graduate project

2008-10-23T08:49:00.001-07:00

this is animation of my bachelor graduate project- heart of suzhou Creek. a context aware landsacpe that would collect data from the river and response to the passerby. It has been recently awarded several architecture and landscape related awards. hope you enjoy it

Kuching-- my hometown

2008-10-17T08:48:00.000-07:00

Recently I am working on the project of finding the issues existed in my hometown. I started to think about the place i haven't back for almost 3 years. I miss kuching so much. I think it is a very artistic and indigenous place that i can hardly find another one in the rest of the world. I spent most of my life there, since i born until i left home when i was 18, childishly swear to myself i will never miss and never step back that suffocated island. I never miss my home after i went to another place for further study, however, 5 years later, i feel myself seriously homesick. My hometown --kuching, It could be the most amazing paradise ever had on the earth

Moonlight on the avenue of faith

2008-10-15T04:29:00.000-07:00

brought me to an exotic realm of Iran. Combined with magical legend and imaginary scenery. The characters in the story had guided me into the path towards hope and desperation, showing me how the Iranian Jewish shaped their family destiny with believing it existence.

"Don't turn around." the voice of Alexandra the cat reminded Roxanna, the beautiful woman who married to Sohrab and betrayed him by uncovered her deep affection toward his father and putted the whole family into a turmoil. Roxanna and her father in law suffered from a profound affection and desire they had created since their first meeting. Roxanna decided to leave the family , her only daughter, and the love she could not realize.

She flied through the city in the darkness and finally exile from her dream and suffering. Her only daughter Lili, who is the narrator and the one who witnessed her departure, sank into the miserable life in the following days. She inherited the sorrowful yellow eye from her father and the stunning features from her mother. Tried not to be reminded by the remnants of the love he had failed invested, sohrab sent her to the boarding school in america, the land of choice and chance. Lili stole the tear bottle of her grandmother which remind her daughter the bad luck she would have brought to their family, she went to america and started a new life, invisible life for other and herself.

Parallel with the development of Lily's story in America, Roxanna had found her new life in Turkey, miserable and poor-conditioned. After the betrayal she had done to her husband, the love she could not realize, the bad luck she failed to prove as wrong and the sins she had failed to redeem, she lived her life in another kind of invisibility, with no shame and no self reclaimed. She was abducted to whorehouse, ran with a poor youngman, and finally arrive to this land-Istanbul, which protect her with the people she did not recognize and the language she could not speak.

Miriam the moon pour the hope and reverse their destiny to die in different place. Ordered her daughter death unintentionally for fulfilling the responsibility of her drown son and lastly becoming a lonely woman, miriam can only hold her only hope and faith with her full strength. She came to Lili in L.A. and found Roxanna at her own tiny room in istanbul. Used to be the most beautiful woman among her sister, aged Miriam remind roxanna maybe she could, or should turn around.

emily,

2008-10-15T03:57:00.001-07:00

I first know emily dickinson when i was taking a class of "women literature" in my undergraduate study. After that i obsessed with her inspiring poems. She ordered her lover to burn all her work after her death, fulfilling her utmost will to become nobody.

If you were coming in the fall
I'd brush the summer by
with half a smile and half a spurn
As housewives do a fly

If I could see you in a year,
I'd wind the months in balls,
And put them each in separate drawers,
until their time befalls

If only centuries delayed,
I'd count them on my hand,
subtracting till my fingers dropped.
Into Van Diemen's land

If certain, when this life was out
That's yours and mine should be,
I'd toss it yonder like a rind,
And taste eternity

But now, all ignorant of the length
of time's uncertain wing,
It goads me, like the goblin bee,
That will not state its sting.

This poem reminded me of someone i love, we are both working on the same thing, being unsure about the future, and finding a way to include each other in our future.

24, to be or not to be

2008-10-15T03:23:00.000-07:00

24
I had silently reached the number two weeks ago. I never expect that the fact of growing older would create a turmoil as it was in my heart, especially when i was alone in an unknown place fighting for my dream.

An old friend ( old enough to have an old friend) called me before that day, just for stating his fear and uncertainty for his future. He is working on the same things that i am working on. I told him not to bother about whatever would happen. We are much more lucky than most of the people because at least we tried whatever we can for materializing our dream, while most still stay in the state of hesitation. I said those words to assure myself instead of get rid of his fear. Yes, this is the word, fear, that is exactly what i feel for now.

I remember that when I was still working on graduate design, I went for a canyoning in an island of philipines. From the top of the waterfall which height more than 200meters i guess, the coach wanted me to let go of my rope. A few terms came across my head, death, hurt, cut ... I was so scared at that moment, however, I let go of my rope. I guess there must have some moments that you would feel like you do not care about living on anymore, especially when you feel forced and weak. However, miracles happened to me, I survive but i got some cuts on my back. It felt very unreal because I just let go of it and honestly I did not feel anything from the trip or cuts. I guess it was because that I was letting go of myself when i was letting go of my rope. The couple canyonned with me enjoyed the trip very much. I guess they were being aware throughout the trip, even when they were letting go of the rope, feeling the fear and beating the uncertainties.

I did learned something from the trip-- be aware when you feel fear, weak, uncertain and pain. It will give you enjoyment after you get through of it. I want to be aware of all these things which are happening right now. Someday i will know how sweet the enjoyment it would come to

Starting point

2008-10-15T02:52:00.000-07:00

There are always tons of stories and reasons for everyone to start up something new, even to start up this blog. Yesterday when I was in my digital design class, i seriously think about what can I contribute for this virtual world. Here it is. I would like to start this blog with some books and movies that meant so much to me until now, then the drawing and the ideas i trying to materialize, and then maybe something related to my study.